Just Tell Me What To Say

I wanted to share an amazing review of Just Tell Me What to Say from a reader who posted on epinions.com. Her comprehensive review can be found at epinions.com. Here is a small excerpt:

If you have young children and plan on buying only one parenting book this year, buy this one. Just Tell Me What To Say by Betsy Brown Braun will literally tell you some of the things you can say in several situations as well as give you GOOD advice. I haven’t always enjoyed all the parenting books I’ve read but I can say this one is worth is weight in gold. I will be outlining several of the suggestions I read and checking back on it often. As parents, we strive to be the best that you can be but sometimes we just need a little help. This book will give you some of the extra help you may need.

I spoke to Hannah Boyd at Education.com about Just Tell Me What to Say and during the interview, the subject of potty talk came up — which is surprising since potty talk usually comes up at the dinner table! So what’s a parent to do? Here is an excerpt of my interview with Hannah:

“This book is designed to give parents lots of different choices about what to say, but it’s a starting point. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, but all kids will wonder about death. All kids will ask where babies come from.” They may also scream “it’s not fair!”, grab their siblings’ toys, and talk about one of their most favorite subjects at the dinner table: potty talk.

Let’s take this last issue, for example. Four-year-olds, especially boys, find toilet talk hysterical; parents and teachers don’t. This all makes sense, says Braun: four-year-olds have recently mastered potty training, they’re exploring limits, and they’re starting to develop a sense of humor. Had enough? Here’s her advice.

• Explain the rules. “’I know that you really like to say words like poopie and pee pee and tushie. These are words that you may say with your friends who want to talk that way or in your room. Those are not words grown-ups want to hear.’”

• Disengage. Laughing or reacting rewards the child. Consistently ignore further potty talk and ask siblings not to egg him on.

• Use real words for body parts and functions. “Using correct names and labels gives the child permission to talk comfortably about these things, to ask any questions he may have and not feel embarrassed,” writes Braun.

• “Teach your child other ways to be funny.” Once your preschooler has them rolling in the aisles with knock-knock jokes and slapstick humor, he won’t need to resort to potty talk when he wants an audience.

Lovetoknow.com recently interviewed me about picky eaters. Questions about children and food are always high on the list with parents. I always remind parents that their children watch how you eat just like they listen to how you speak. Here is a part of the interview:

How can parents encourage their children to eat right?

All parents want to raise their kids to have healthy eating habits. Encouraging children to eat “right” begins with parents eating “right.” Eating with your children, modeling healthy eating habits, and eating a variety of foods is the first step. Picky eater parents usually breed picky eater kids. Remember, your children watch everything you do and that includes watching everything you put in your mouth and listening to every word you say about it. The more familiar a child is with a particular food or taste, the more likely she is to eat it. From as early as your pediatrician will allow, offer your child a variety of foods, adding new ones and revisiting old ones. She will experience and become accustomed to a variety of tastes and food textures. Allow your child as much independence with her eating as you can, drippy spoon foods aside. The child who is allowed to feed herself, is more liable to put different foods of all kinds into her mouth.

What can parents do about picky eaters

If your child is a picky eater, you are in good company! Possibly half of all two and three year olds fall into this category. Isn’t it interesting that picking eating comes at the same time that the young child is becoming independent? Often being picky about food is a way of asserting herself, discovering her own power, and feeling big in a world where she otherwise feels small. Remember kids can be fickle in their taste. So don’t be surprised if a previously adored food becomes poison at the next meal. As children grow older, when they begin to have control over their worlds in other ways, the pickiness often lessens. So too will their willingness to take a risk with a new food increase. Until then, being a picky eater means nothing more than your child is a picky eater.

Here are some tips for dealing with picky eaters

 

• Stop talking about food and stop worrying about it. No comments at all. Just let your child eat what she wants of the food you have prepared for the whole family. The more you push, the less likely she will be to try different foods.
• Don’t make food a control issue. You cannot force another person to eat. And I can promise you, you will lose the battle.
• Use different and small plates. Sometimes a party plate takes the emphasis away from the food.
• Offer a few choices. Bite size servings of a variety of foods help the child to feel powerful in choosing what to eat for herself.
• Introduce new foods when your child is definitely hungry. At hungry times she is much more likely to take a risk.
• Invite “guests” to join you at a meal. Invite a doll or stuffed animal friend to join her for dinner and let your child model how she eats.
• Be creative in your preparation and serving. Sandwiches cut with cookie cutters, Mickey Mouse pancakes taste especially good.
• Beware of bribing with dessert. We want our children to have healthy relationships with food. The goal in eating broccoli ought not be to get dessert or watch television.

In a recent interview I did with a local Los Angeles area newspaper, The Palisadian-Post, the topic of nurturing children came up. I am a strong advocate of nurturing children, but I also firmly believe that children need to make mistakes in order to grow and learn. Sure, it’s hard advice to follow as a parent, but every child needs to discover who s/he is, not who we as parents may want him to be. Here’s a portion of the interview:

‘There are so many ways for kids to go off track,’ she says. ‘We could protect kids in ways we can’t now. It’s more important than ever to set limits.’

What hasn’t changed is how critical it is for parents to demonstrate the behavior and values they hope their kids will take with them into adulthood. ‘Healthy parents lead to healthy children’ is one of Braun’s favorite mantras, and she is quick to refer clients to therapeutic settings when indicated.

While a parent who spends time nurturing his or her child is optimal, becoming overly involved (what Braun refers to as a ‘helicopter’ parent) is an all-too-common trait. Braun sees this trait unfold often, particularly among older parents, who apply the same determination and zeal to raising kids as they did to their careers.

‘In order for kids to grow up and be satisfied, competent human beings, they need to struggle and make mistakes,’ Braun says. ‘They need to figure out who they are, not who you want them to be.’

I wanted to share part of a review that Rita Arens posted on her blog Surrender, Dorothy.

I was expecting to hate this book, as by this fourth year of parenting, I’ve learned to run, run away from sites and books that tell me what to do all the time. I signed up to review Just Tell Me What to Say, by Betsy Brown Braun, because I was hoping that this one might be different.

And lo, it was different. Useful. Well organized. Bravo, Betsy!

Rita goes on to point out several sections that she found useful.

* The section talking about backtalk — We are just starting to get into Miss Sassypants behavior. I really liked the guidelines in this book about giving your child permission to disagree with you respectfully. Too many times I think we squash kids’ opinions, and then they never learn my favorite skill: the art of debate.

* The section on kids being mean to you — I haven’t yet heard “I hate you,” but I have a feeling I’ll be reaching for this book again from my puddle of tears on the floor when I do. Even though that’s so totally not what you’re supposed to do.

Let me know what you liked or disliked. Leave a comment below!

This morning, NBC’s Today Show featured an amazing and gifted 17 month old child who could fully read. She began reading at one year old. The baby’s mom realized that this kind of development is not typical, and she encouraged parents to have reasonable expectations for their kids.

I fear that parents will rush out and start flashing alphabet letters and site words to their 6 month olds! It is not reasonable to expect your one year old, even two or three or four year old to read. Having a print rich environment, reading books with your child, and modeling reading yourself go a long way toward leading your child to begin reading when she is ready, usually around 5 years old or so.

I spoke to Lisa Breckenridge of Fox 11 about discipline and how it is an opportunity to teach your children — not to punish them or hurt them. In fact, the word is rooted the Latin word meaning “teaching or learning.” You can see the interview with Lisa online at www.myfoxLA.com. To search for it, put Just Tell Me What to Say or Lisa’s LA in the search bar.

Discipline is a subject that comes up over and over again with parents. In my book, I lay out a four-prong plan for getting your child to do what you ask. While the plan is a terrific roadmap, it is important that every parent remembers to “look in her own luggage” first.  In Just Tell Me What to Say, I write:

Discipline has different meaning for every parent. Packed in the luggage you drag around, in addition to each parent’s habits, idiosyncrasies, and behaviors, you carry your own parents’ methods of discipline — your father’s spankings, your mother’s tongue-lashings, and your grandmother’s gentle admonitions. Whatever was done to you feels like the way children are supposed to be disciplined. You may say it’s the “right” way or you may swear that you will “never ever do that” to your child but you haven’t forgotten it. In the heat of the moment, you rip open that two-suiter and pull out one of those things you swore you would never do to your child. (I’m reminded of a Robin Williams comedy routine in which he wags his index finger and says, “When did I grow my father’s finger?” How true it is.)

What’s in your luggage?

Please join me at one or all of the following book stores where I will be speaking, taking questions and signing copies of Just Tell Me What to Say. If you would like to send a question to me in advance, you can leave your questions in the comments section of my blog.

• Tuesday, March 4th, 7:30pm

Children’s Book World, 10580 1/2 W. Pico Blvd., Los Angeles

• Saturday, March 8th, 2:00-4:00pm

Chevalier Books, 126 N. Larchmont Blvd., Los Angeles

• Tuesday, March 11th, 7:00pm

Dutton’s Brentwood, 11975 San Vicente Blvd., Los Angeles

• Tuesday, March 13th, 7:30pm

Village Books, 1049 Swarthmore Ave., Pacific Palisades

• Saturday, March 15th, 11:00am

Storyopolis, 12348 Ventura Blvd., Studio City

I did a radio interview with Nick Lawrence of WEEU’s “Straight Talk,” and it is posted on the Internet at the WEEU site. Nick and I covered a lot of parenting topics in 45 minutes including one of my favorites — hurrying children to grow up. Children absorb so much, and as parents we need to be constantly aware of the impressions we are making on our children. Being aware of how they absorb values (and information that is age appropriate) is such an important part of parenting.

We also discussed meeting children’s needs, and touched on the topics of “affluenza,” bargaining with children (which I don’t recommend), sleep issues and more. So go to “Straight Talk” at WEEU, and listen to my interview with Nick Lawrence.

This week, I did a live chat at Gather.com to answer specific questions from parents. You can read the transcript online. I also had the opportunity to digitally meet several readers who have reviewed Just Tell Me What to Say. The whole event was great fun.

I always enjoy learning what readers take away from the book. I want to share part of a review from Teresa H. on Gather.com

The one thing that stood out above everything else was the issue of not mistaking our children for little adults. Their brains work differently and they comprehend and process information differently. Therefore it needs to be understood that their behavior will be considerably different.

Understanding that childish behavior doesn’t necessarily equate to bad behavior can be a difficult challenge for any parent. This was something I’ve noticed over the years that a good many parents can’t seem to grasp. Fortunately they now have “Just Tell Me What to Say” which goes into great detail in simple, easy to understand language that should make it possible for any parent to digest and put into practice.

No doubt, parents don’t have it easy, but neither do their children. It is an important point to keep in mind.